Social Media Malaise

I want to use this month's blog post to talk about how challenging it is for me to manage my relationship to social media.

As my longer-term followers know, this topic has been tricky and big for me for quite a while, especially as a business owner. My truth with social media is that I don't really want to be here. This is not my preferred space to connect, communicate, or collaborate, for personal or professional ventures. When I'm on social media for more than a few minutes at a time, I tend to feel lost, confused, and defeated. There's even been some recent research to suggest we enter into a dissociative state while using social media, and that rings fairly true for me. I know I am prone to comparison and overwhelm while scrolling, and yet the persuasive design of these spaces tricks my brain to continue barraging myself with content even when it makes me feel like dirt.

Alas, there are wonderful people and opportunities attached to these spaces, so writing them off entirely has never felt like the best option for me (maybe someday, she says wistfully). Except for Facebook. I deleted that noise a couple of years ago and never looked back. I've been observing and tinkering with my social media use a lot of the last year, and even self-published a workbook about it to really think about what I could do to intentionally shape my relationship with it.

It's not lost on me that I will share this blog post via Instagram and LinkedIn, two major social media platforms, but I'm glad to share that my overall use/time sucks on these sites has gone down a lot, and I am better able to give my time to things I actually like doing (Reading! Collage! Walking!). I've had to hold some pretty tough boundaries with myself, and really connect more with mindfulness to stay present and resist the draw of the algorithm, but it's tough work that's worth doing for me.

I'd love to hear about how you're navigating social media these days, and what resources and supports would be helpful for you in the comments!

Take good care, and happy summer.

On Trusting the Timing of Things

What lesson does the universe keep sliding in front of you these days?

For me, it's the title of this blog post. Whether in my own personal musings or in my work with coaching clients, I am reminded to be with what is here, right now. There can be such a temptation to dwell on the what-ifs or should-haves, or "wish I had known this then"s. But a growing, steady voice is now speaking up to counter that.

It's asking me, "Would you really have been ready for that truth back then?" And the honest answer is pretty consistently NO.

Rather than looking back in shame or frustration, what if I look back on those experiences with curiosity and compassion. What if I ask,

• What lesson was I learning there?

• What was I missing in that moment?

• What was I not willing to admit to myself?

• What about that time was actually really special?

• How did that time bring me to this moment, now- and what's great about now?

Sometimes these deeper dives can be challenging, and we may not always have the time or space to take the plunge, but we can start to build that reflex in small practices. I shared with a dear friend many weeks ago, that to really ground in this practice of presence and trust, I have started to repeat a question and mantra to myself:

What if this, right now, is the key to it all?

While this probably rings melodramatic to some, I find that in the moment, it supports my embrace and acceptance of the situation and my emotions, and allows me to move forward with grace and confidence.

What resonates for you? How are you building trust in the timing of things? What is your connection to the present moment like?

Living the Slash

Embracing Brené Brown’s Guidepost #9: Use Your Talents and Gifts

For those who have been along for the Rooted Bloom ride for a while, you know our very first Book Group for Growth was around Brené Brown’s Gifts of Imperfection. I credit that book with so much of my own personal growth, and it certainly supported my path into coaching. In recent months, the lessons of Gifts have been coming back to me, and especially those from Guidepost #9-Use Your Talents & Gifts.

The key messages from this Guidepost are, "Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and “Supposed To”. One of the ways Brown encourages this is to embrace "the slash," an idea that we can have multiple careers and passions in our lives, and not be shoe-holed into just one. This can feel somewhat controversial in a culture that privileges and romanticizes our work identity over just about everything else.

Think about it. It's habit to ask "What do you do?" to new acquaintances, almost instantly after getting their name. And even asking children, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" as soon as they can string a sentence together. In both of these questions, the unspoken part is, "What ONE THING do you do?" and "What ONE THING do you want to be when you grow up?"

So it can feel a little radical to have multiple answers to that question. I have been reconnecting to this Guidepost a lot since November, when I left my long-standing, full-time role with an organization to focus on building my coaching and consulting business. It has been thrilling and a little scary to ask myself the questions, "What ALL do I want to be? What ALL do I want to do?" In addition to applying this lens to my work, I also apply it to my other interests, that may not fall under the umbrella of "productive" (i.e. income generating). What a feeling to hold ourselves as complex and multi-faceted, and capable of multitudes!

While I see my slashes as ever-growing and evolving, I'm excited to share my current slashes as: Coach/Consultant/Facilitator/Social Worker/Amateur Birder/Reader/Walker Extraordinaire. I'd love to hear yours in the comments, and invite you to consider:

• What changes if you invite "the slash" into your identities?

• What passions can you honor?

• What opportunities are possible?

• What emotions come up for you? What are they telling you?